


you're a little explosion of hope

by baeminhyuk



Series: Don't Wait For Daylight [2]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Future Fic, Romance, post-disbandment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 16:32:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16520054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeminhyuk/pseuds/baeminhyuk
Summary: Something dark's in her eyes and Jennie realizes that they’ve been here before, haven’t they? Lisa telling her to come with her and her telling Lisa that she couldn’t?





	you're a little explosion of hope

**Author's Note:**

> long a/n ahead, please bear with me!
> 
> who would've thought that "like the hands on a clock" would get a sequel? i certainly didn't haha. although this can work as a one shot, it's definitely connected to lthoac, so that fic merits reading before this one :) 
> 
> for some context (since i got too lazy to actually write every detail transitioning lthoac to this story):  
> 1) j and v got married after lthoac and stayed together for around 3 years  
> 2) j's parents are separated, but are like chill  
> 3) j and l got together for a while (around 2017-2018; this was sort of implied in lthoac) before falling out  
> 4) l still models in nyc but is more or less settled in sokor
> 
> so, this one is a bit nc-17 for very vague mature content and mild language, nothing too bad i promise. alright, thats about it. please do enjoy this fic!

 

The divorce is finalized on a Wednesday afternoon when she’s 29.

Taehyung hugs her outside her lawyer’s office, says, “I’m so sorry for everything, Jennie,” in this shaky voice that’s the only one she hears anymore.

Lisa is waiting outside her new apartment when she gets there, a sad smile on her lips when she gets out of the car.

She wraps one arm around her, says, “Come on,” and Jennie doesn’t know  _where_ , but she  _goes_ anyway.

 

* * *

 

They end up on Seongsan Bridge, and it makes sense — halfway between where she’s been living in and where the rest of her life is in Hongdae. Has been. Maybe will be.

“You’re sad,” Lisa says, and almost seems surprised.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” The taller woman doesn’t say _he hurt you and you left him_ , but she’s probably thinking it. “I’m allowed to be sad.”

“Yeah,” Lisa admits, nodding slightly. “I just hate seeing you like this.”

Jennie bites her lip, wonders what would happen if she just let go right now, let herself fall into the Han River.

“I kind of thought you’d be trying to cheer Taehyung up,” she admits, and it’s true, really. She and Lisa may have practically known each other forever, but Lisa and Taehyung have become surprisingly close friends these last few years after working on a show together.

That makes her really sad, too.

“What? Why would I?” Lisa asks incredulously, and turns her body towards hers a little. She looks upset.

Jennie feels a little badly for smiling at the other woman's reaction, but just leans into her instead, her shoulder against Lisa's chest, head against hers, and Lisa puts her arm around her again.

So _she_ gets Lisa in the breakup.

 

* * *

 

Lisa shows up at her place with a bottle of champagne, a bottle of tequila, and two cigarettes.

“Pick your poison,” she says, and Jennie laughs and pulls her inside by the front of her flannel shirt.

They smoke on the roofdeck of her apartment with her feet up and perched on the railing and Lisa’s hair getting messed up in the wind.

“You’re being an enabler,” she teases after they order two boxes of chicken wings and Lisa pours them each a glass of champagne. It seems like a terrible idea, but Jennie won’t say no.

She could do worse.

“One night only,” she tells her, sounding serious, and Jennie just looks at her. “The Jennie I know doesn’t  _wallow_.”

She smiles, a little, takes a deep breath and looks out over the park. “The Jennie you know,” she says quietly. Lisa’s staring at her. “Maybe I’m not her anymore.”

Lisa says, “You are,” like she just knows it and it’s not up for debate and it’s just one of those things she doesn’t have any interest in arguing about. Something absolute.

They’re quiet for a moment, and her stomach rumbles and she sips her champagne and checks her phone to see how long it’s been since they placed their order.

Lisa starts chuckling, says, “I’m  _high_ ,” and Jennie can’t help the giggle that bubbles up from her stomach.

 

* * *

 

She bumps into Taehyung at the studio for this variety show she got cast in — though she wouldn’t have assumed she’d see him there. It’s been eight months since they signed the papers. They have an awkward but really friendly conversation that someone photographs, and then one outlet is saying they’re seen in a ‘heated moment’ and another says it looks like they’re reconciling.

Jennie is pissed, because neither of those things are true.

Her mother calls to check on her.

“It’s all silly gossip,” her umma says. “Nothing you haven’t dealt with before.”

“That’s not true,” Jennie argues.

“Well,” her mom laughs, “then it’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.” She can’t help but chuckle at that, too, despite this being her worst fear come to life. (People will say she’s just like her mother.) “I know it’s awful advice, but you just have to ignore it.”

Jennie sighs. She knows that. She doesn’t want there to be anything to ignore.

“Besides,” her mother says, “most of the photos we’ve seen have been of you and Lalisa together.”

Jennie freezes. “Lisa is my friend, she was my bandmate.”

“Mhm. You two have always been close. Closer at some points than at others.”

“ _Umma_.”

“I’m just saying. Be more careful. You know it doesn’t take much for rumors to start,” her mother explains, and Jennie narrows her eyes.

“So you didn’t call to comfort me. You called to warn me not to humiliate myself in the papers. Is that it?”

“Darling, no, I…”

Jennie ends the call and tosses her phone onto the sofa in her living room. It’s not the first time she’s ever hung up on her mother, but she can’t say it’s a thing that ever feels right.

She leaves her phone there, makes herself breakfast for dinner and doesn’t check for messages until nearly midnight when she’s watching a creepy documentary on Netflix and doesn’t want to feel alone.

Lisa’s texted her twice. Once to see if she’s okay. The next to say she’s worried.

Sometimes Jennie doesn't feel worthy of all her concern.

 

* * *

 

Jisoo brings her fresh croissants and coffee from this place they’ve gone to since they were trainees, sits herself down on the purple chair in the living room that she claims is tacky but always seems to gravitate towards.

Lisa’s back in New York for a month to work. Chaeyoung took her to a bowling alley then to dinner last night. Jisoo’s here today.

“Are you checking up on me?”

Jisoo scoffs. “Even if I was, you are in no position to say anything about it,” she insists, and Jennie isn’t sure that makes any sense. “We want to prevent a spiral.”

“I don’t  _spiral_.” Jisoo tilts her head, raises her coffee cup to her lips, remembers Jennie's spiral after her falling out with Lisa. “Okay, fine. It was one time.”

“Mhm.” There’s a pause, and Jennie pulls a piece off her croissant — still warm — and pops it in her mouth. “We all know your only reference point for what to do after a divorce is your mother, and we’re not interested in seeing you go that route.” Jennie narrows her eyes. “Jumping from one guy to the next, flitting off to all parts of the world, marrying again before the ink is dry on the divorce papers.” Jisoo flicks her wrist. “You  _seem_  to be doing fine, but I think that’s what’s the most startling.”

“Did Lisa ask you to do this?”

Jisoo smiles a bit, crosses one leg over the other. “No, but she’s been hogging you.” Jennie rolls her eyes. “Be serious. We all know that the two of you together, at best, just ignore all the issues and use fun to make it seem like everything is fine.”

“That’s not true.” Jisoo glares. “It’s not  _totally_  true. We’ve been talking.”

“You should be talking to a therapist, Jennie. Not Lisa Manoban, whose own myriad of relationship issues remains as yet unresolved.”

“She’s a good listener,” she says instead of playing into that dig about Lisa.

Jisoo shakes her head, sips her coffee. Jennie realizes both these croissants are for her, because Jisoo likely won’t have hers.

“Want to go shopping, unnie?” Jennie asks, and Jisoo laughs out loud.

“I’m not going to let you distract me from being concerned, but I am going to say yes because it has been far too long since we had a shopping date. Go change. I’ll call a car.”

 

* * *

 

She knows the exact moment Lisa’s back in Seoul. Not because of some messed up intuition, or because she told her her flight number.

She texts her ‘ _fr_ _eaking Incheon_ ’ with no other context at all and she smiles and continues applying her mascara. She’s supposed to meet her mom for coffee. She’s half expecting her to cancel, though. That happens so frequently it’s almost surprising when they actually do get together.

When Lisa calls her, the younger woman just says, “Lunch? Your treat.”

Jennie laughs and forgets to tell her she already had plans. Instead she goes, “Oh,  _my_  treat?” and likes the way Lisa laughs.

“I’m jet lagged and hungry and in need of some grilled meat.”

“I’ll order,” she tells her, and cancels on her mom (she doesn’t even feel too bad about it) and when Lisa shows up with her suitcase rolling behind her, hair messy from the plane and her scarf loose around her neck, there’s just a split second when Jennie thinks that maybe she’s never been as attracted to anyone as she’s always been to Lisa.

Lisa tells her all about her trip, right up to the ‘meeting’ she had last night where her co-models in Manhattan insisted they go out and get drunk at some infamous pub, or something. Lisa says she barely slept, almost missed her wake up call, and barely made it to the plane on time.

Jennie wags her eyebrows as she watches Lisa eat a spoonful of bulgogi so big it should be gross.

“Any cute models in your bed when you woke up?

Lisa scoffs, shakes her head. “It’s not even like that.”

Jennie thinks that means Lisa wasn’t necessarily lonely while she was away. It seems she doesn’t want to talk about it, so Jennie lets it slide and instead tells her about her shopping spree and tells the Thai girl that they’ll model clothes for each other after they’re done eating.

 

* * *

 

She has this dream where she’s 21 and she’s on a beach looking at the sunset over the sea and her toes are digging into the warm white sand. Lisa sits down next to her, says something about taking her out for fruit shakes, and she turns to Lisa and kisses her on the mouth.

She wakes up in the morning and remembers the dream when she’s brushing her teeth, and wants to laugh at herself for how silly that is.

Before, when she was younger, when she was too scared of facing her feelings, of losing Lisa, she used to think of these a lot: What would have happened if she’d been brave enough to be with Lisa despite the consequences? And what would have happened if she just told Lisa how much she _still_  loved her before life got too complicated?

She’s a grown woman now, though. God, she’s _divorced_. She married someone — loved him enough to do it.

She calls Jisoo and asks for the therapist’s number, because clearly she’s got some shit to work through here, and Jisoo would only employ the best, right?

She makes the mistake, too, of telling Lisa about the dream.

Well, she says, “I had a dream about you.”

Lisa grins and says, “I get that  _all_  the time,” and then just laughs and asks her what movie she wants to see.

Lisa doesn’t ask for details. Jennie thinks that’s for the best.

 

* * *

 

Lisa helps her into a towncar after this awards show they both performed and got awarded at, and she’s tired and had one too many glasses of rosé, and Lisa just leans her forearm on the roof of the car and leans down to look at her.

“Come home with me,” Jennie says, and then laughs at how that sounds. “I didn’t mean... I just meant…”

Lisa smiles a bit. “I can’t,” she tells her, and Jennie tries not to pout. She gives a sideward look to the group of photographers standing nearby, all waiting for something they can sell. Jennie rolls her eyes and leans her head back against the seat. “This isn’t a ‘give ‘em something to talk about’ moment, Jennie-ssi.” Lisa sounds too serious for this conversation. She said no and they can leave it at that. Jennie’s not stupid. She knows how this works. “Don’t be pissed.”

“I’m not pissed,” she tells her, then reaches for the door handle. Lisa almost smiles, but Jennie thinks that’s for the cameras, too. “Your loss, Lili.”

 _There’s_  Lisa’s real smile, and maybe Jennie’s being childish, if not downright stupid, but she thinks people will still write about them anyway, because she’s always been the one who could get Lisa looking like that.

 

* * *

 

“The other night…” Lisa says over the phone. Jennie’s downtown and Lisa’s uptown and they haven’t spoken at all. Which makes sense, because it was literally nothing.

“I wasn’t propositioning you,” she reminds her, and laughs a bit when an older woman gives her a dirty look.

“I know  _that_.” She can practically see Lisa rolling her eyes. “You seemed sad.”

“I’m always sad.” She recognizes it as a lie as soon as it leaves her mouth. She thinks — and she’s been trying to work through this in her head — she tries to be sad because she’s supposed to be sad. The sadness is mostly over, though that doesn't mean she's any closer to being _happy_. But, now she’s just disappointed, and worried about where the hell she goes from here.

The point is she’s not  _sad_ , and she’s waiting for Lisa to call her out for saying she is.

“You are not.” She smiles, bites her bottom lip and stops walking so she can look at these lovely pink tulips this shop is selling. “That’s why it seemed weird to me.”

“Oh, so now I’m weird?” she teases, and Lisa says her name. She pulls a ₩50,000 bill out of her pocket to pay for the flowers, mouths a thank you to the seller as she takes them. “I’m fine, okay? This conversation is already too long, considering all that happened was you being smart about things.”

There’s a brief silence, then she says, “Okay,” and she wonders if Lisa’s got more to say. “It’s just always so damn hard to see that look on your face.”

“What  _look_?” she asks, laughingly.

“You just... I don’t know how to describe it, but that look gets me  _every time_.”

She honestly doesn’t know what that even means. She’s a little afraid to ask.

(There’s still an indent on her finger from her wedding ring. She’s not ready to... She’s not ready to be anything with  _anyone_.)

 

* * *

 

Jennie stares in the mirror, wondering if she’ll be able to see what Lisa sees.

She laughs and laughs and realizes she’s been making faces at herself for at least three minutes.

 

* * *

She has a one-night stand with this girl she meets at a bar downtown where she thought she might be able to go without anyone caring who she is. These finance chicks are always good for good time and not much else, and that’s honestly what she’s going for. She remembers being in high school in New Zealand and drinking beer and acting too old for her age, and she’s finished one martini before she starts feeling a little pathetic, but then this girl who looks a little like a younger Suzy with short hair sits down next to her, asks her name and zodiac sign. It gets her laughing as she asks if that line ever works on anyone, and she figures this must be exactly what this girl's going for, because she just grins at her, asks, “You tell me,” and this shouldn’t be cute, but it is.

She’s got a place a few blocks away, she says, and Jennie puts her hand in hers when she hops off her barstool.

She leaves at 1:30 in the morning when the girl is sleeping and this is all so fucking familiar that it makes her want to _scream_.

She thought she wouldn't do this kind of thing, this impulsive behavior. She laughs to herself in the back of the cab on the way back to her place, because  _of course_ she'd think that.

She wants to think she’s changed, though, since before. She must have, right? Tonight wasn’t like before. It  _wasn’t_.

 

* * *

 

They’re in Aori, like all those Wednesdays ago, and Lisa’s being totally weird, and Jennie wants to know why. The younger one was the one who suggested they get together again at 11:30 in the morning, and now she’s barely talking to her, sipping her green tea slowly and then licking her lips. Jennie’s waiting for Lisa to just come out with it already, but it’s taking her too long.

Lisa must realize, when Jennie turns to her so their shoulders are almost squared and the shorter woman’s knee hits her thigh hard enough to make her grunt, that she’s about to bring it up.

“I talked to Taehyung today,” she finally confesses.

It’s absolutely _not_ what Jennie expected.

“Okay,” she says evenly, because she’s not sure how she feels about it, but she also thinks it would be really unfair for her to be upset with Lisa for it.

(Her therapist is talking her through how defensive she can be when confronted with something she doesn’t like. Jennie is  _trying_ here.)

“He called and asked to meet for coffee. I couldn’t say no.” Jennie nods. “I mean, I could’ve said no, but that felt like a bad move.”

She smiles at her. “It’s okay.”

Lisa frowns a bit. “He just wanted to talk about you.” She doesn’t want to seem conceited, or whatever, but of course that’s what Taehyung wanted. “He knows we’re spending all this time together again like we used to. He wanted to talk about how you are and what you’re doing.”

She repeats, “Okay,” again, because she really doesn’t know what to say to that.

She finds she doesn’t even care to know what Lisa told Taehyung. Honestly, she’s still a little bit shocked that Lisa’s been  _hers_  since the divorce.

“It felt weirdly like betraying you.” Jennie shakes her head. Lisa said that all in a rush and it seems like it’s weighing heavily on her. “This — you and me — it’s separate from him.”

Jennie stirs her drink with her straw. “You can be friends with him. I’m not going to say you shouldn’t.”

Lisa nods her head and plays with her phone atop the table. “I just want _you and I_ to be friends.” She smiles at Lisa, sets her hand on her back. “Yeah, we're bestfriends and all but for like seven years, we weren't really, and it _sucked._ And I feel like sometimes, we still aren't okay.”

Jennie thinks about it for a second, watches Lisa’s face, and then when the blond-haired girl meets her eyes again, she holds out her hand, pinky extended. Lisa throws her head back and laughs.

“Come on. Swear it.”

“What am I swearing?” she asks, but holds out her hand before hearing, anyway.

“We won’t let it be like before,” Jennie says, and then the weight of that hangs heavy over them. Lisa lets out a breath, and they’re both thinking of all the ways they’ve been ‘before’.

She hooks her pinky together with Jennie’s, says, “Deal,” and then clears her throat, takes a long drink of her tea.

 

* * *

 

Jennie rolls her eyes when they’re at lunch in Aori again the following Wednesday and she’s picking at her salad (and eyeing Lisa’s huge tempura udon), because this woman walks by and practically fucks Lisa with her eyes. Lisa’s too polite not to smile back, and Jennie can’t help but show her reaction. Her fork dangles between her thumb and index finger as she chews and just shakes her head at the other girl.

“What?”

She wants to laugh. She really does.

“ _What?_ You know what. She might as well have taken her clothes off.”

Lisa smirks, takes a sip from her iced tea. “I would’ve done more than just smile if she had.”

“Don’t be gross,” Jennie says, nose wrinkled. Lisa laughs out loud. Jennie doesn’t like that she’s making it seem like she’s being ridiculous. “Sometimes I forget that you’re like, _attractive_.”

“Gee, thanks. You know I was only kidding,” Lisa scoffs, and she really didn’t mean it that way. Jennie just doesn’t know how to  _tell her_  that she’s always thought she was attractive, but sometimes too much so. To the point where she doesn’t notice other people looking at her. It’s stupid and she can’t really explain it. It’s just this factual thing that comes along with knowing Lisa.

“I didn’t mean it like that. God, Li, I know you don’t need me to tell you you’re beautiful for you to know it.”

“You think I’m beautiful?” Lisa’s grinning again, swipes at the bit of soup at the corner of her mouth with the pad of her thumb. Lisa’s got better manners than that, but Jennie likes when she ignores that fact, too.

Jennie just tilts her head. Do they even need to have this conversation? Lisa chuckles, then, and nods a bit.

“And anyway,” Lisa says, leaning forward a bit, “just because you don’t notice the way people — the way guys and girls — look at you, doesn’t mean I don’t.” She bites her lip. She notices. She just doesn’t care. “Heck, I’ve been noticing it since I was 15.”

Lisa sounds jealous. It’s stupid that Jennie likes it.

“Not the whole time,” she says, because it feels like an important distinction.

Lisa just looks at her, brow furrowed like she doesn’t understand how Jennie could think that.

“Yes, the whole time,” she argues. She believes her. Lisa has no reason to lie. “The only time I ever liked it was when we were together.”

Jennie narrows her eyes. “That’s flawed logic.”

“Nah,” she says, little grin on her lips. The younger woman’s playing with the straw in her glass and avoiding Jennie’s gaze. When she looks back up, Jennie can see the chocolate brown in her eyes. “You were _my_ Nini.”

Lisa doesn’t need to say any more.

Jennie takes a breath, pushes her hair behind her ear, and wonders how they end up talking so much about that really brief period when they were together.

She wonders if Lisa wonders, too, sometimes, how they were both too stubborn to fight for it.

 

* * *

 

Jennie needs a couple days on her own, and she figures it might be nice to get away from the city. She ends up in her family’s house in Damyang because it’s easy on short notice, and the house is big and cold and there’s no one around. She doesn’t mind; she doesn’t need anyone. She makes eggs and toast for dinner and wraps herself in a big sweater, reads Coelho in the formal dining room with her feet up on the table and a carton of chocolate milk open and a tub of milk ice cream next to her.

She’s bored after just a couple hours, but she thinks that’s the point, too.

Lisa doesn’t text her the whole time she’s gone. She loves that Lisa respected that she needed time alone, away from the city.

She misses her, which is sort of what she was afraid of.

She tells her therapist in her next session. The woman asks her what she missed, what she likes about Lisa, and then says, “She sounds like a very good friend,” and Jennie twists her necklace between her fingers, because it feels like so much  _more_  than that.

 

* * *

 

Lisa's sprawled out on her sofa. Mingyu, Jisoo’s son, is sitting on her stomach and telling her about school, and Jisoo blurts out, “Why don’t you go on a  _date_ , Jendeukie?”

Jennie doesn’t know why it bothers her that Jisoo’s saying this in front of Mingyu. It’s a stupid thing to be annoyed by. The kid is old enough to know what dating is. God, he’s old enough to know what a divorce is. He’s asked her so many questions about it, and she’s answered them all as best she can.

Lisa drops this toy helicopter they’ve been playing with and it hits her in the face.

She thinks maybe Lisa doesn’t like the question, either.

“Who am I supposed to go on a date with?” she asks, laughing, as if there are no single, worthy people in South Korea.

Jisoo gets a devious look on her face. “I thought you’d never ask,” she says, as she pulls an iPad out of her Birkin bag and brings up an entire list. Jennie doesn’t think Jisoo’s paying attention to anything but this, but then she scolds, “ _Mingyu_ ,” when the boy’s finger comes a little too close to going up his nose.

“Jisoo, I don’t want to shop from your weird catalogue of eligible bachelors.” Lisa laughs and mumbles something Jennie doesn’t catch. Jisoo shoots their former maknae a glare. “Ew! Jun-won Park?” Jisoo clicks her tongue like she doesn’t understand the objection. “I heard he gave…” Jennie lowers her voice so Mingyu won’t hear. “I heard he gave someone an  _STD_. No.”

“Well, you don’t have to  _sleep with them_ ,” Jisoo insists, setting her iPad on her lap, knees pressed tightly together. “I know that can be a difficult concept, but a date can be  _just dinner_  and not… _that_.”

Lisa laughs. Jennie throws a pillow at her.

“I don’t  _have_  to do anything at all,” Jennie challenges, pulls her legs up so her arms are wrapped around her knees. “I’m fine the way things are.”

“The way things are, is that you’re practically dating  _Lisa_.”

“Lisa is  _right here_ ,” Lisa interjects, “and doesn’t appreciate her unnie acting like that’s the worst possible scenario.”

Jisoo flicks her wrist. “New blood, is all I’m saying.”

“She’s not a shark, Jisoo-unnie,” Lisa argues, and for some reason that makes Mingyu laugh hysterically.

“Not what some would say,” Jisoo says, then stands, hooks her bag over her arm and holds out the other hand to her son. “Come on, Mingyu. We’re meeting your appa at the studio.”

Mingyu jumps down, shakes Lisa’s hand, then leans over to kiss Jennie’s cheek. She pulls him into a hug, tells him she loves him, and at least waits until Jisoo is out the door before she breathes out a curse word.

“Our Jisoo,” Lisa says, and it’s either the start of a sentence she’s not going to finish, or it’s a sentence all its own that doesn’t need any more words, because she’ll know what Lisa’s saying anyway.

“She’s…”

“She’s not wrong,” she interrupts, and Jennie is a little shocked. “What’re you waiting for?” Lisa sits up, then, puts her elbows on her knees. “You  _are_ spending all your time with me. Spouse number two could be out there waiting for you and you don’t even know it.”

She’s out of pillows to throw, so she just reaches over and punches her gently on the arm. “Are you trying to get rid of me, then?”

“Never,” Lisa says, and then pauses and looks over at the Korean woman. “I didn’t mean anything by the spouse comment, either. Maybe it sounded bad.”

Jennie shakes her head. “It’s fine. I just... Maybe I’ll never get married again. I’ll just grow old in my studio and…”

She feels tears pricking her eyes, feels absolutely stupid for it, and maybe it’s ridiculous for her to realize only  _now_  that she doesn’t want to be alone. Maybe she doesn’t want to be married, can’t even think of doing that again, at least right now, but the thought of being by herself forever is breaking her heart.

“Hey, whoa.” Lisa slides over and puts her arm around her, her other hand on Jennie’s knee. “What happened?”

But Lisa’s used to this by now, right? Her emotions have always been all over the place.

“It's just that I don’t want to be _alone_ , but I don’t want to  _date_.”

“Okay.” She can hear Lisa smiling when she says, “I guess it is a good thing I’m around, then.”

Lisa smiles at Jennie, closes her eyes when she presses her lips to her temple.

 

* * *

 

Jennie’s in the shower when she notices that the mark on her finger is gone.

She thought she’d be sad.

She’s _not_.

 

* * *

 

Lisa decides to move out of her apartment and buys a house, and doesn’t tell Jennie until the deal closes and she’s got the keys in her hands.

“You’re the first person I wanted to show,” she tells her when she comes to pick her up on a Wednesday afternoon so she can see it.

They walk arm in arm along Hongdae from her place, and when they turn onto this quiet street they used to walk along — exactly like this — when they were still bandmates, Jennie’s breath almost catches in her throat. It’s raining a little and she brushes a drop off her eyelashes when Lisa reaches into her jacket pocket for the key. The SOLD sign out front makes her feel like they’re so old. For some reason, it’s hard to believe they, the two of them, have made it here.

“Ready?” Lisa asks, with this really adorable smile on her face.

“I’ve always loved this one,” she tells her, still a little breathless.

She barely hears Lisa say, “I know,” when she turns to fit the key into the lock.

She kicks her shoes off once they’re inside and Lisa’s closing the door behind them. The whole place is empty, walls painted a pristine white and hardwood floors shining. The foyer is cozy in a way she isn’t used to places being in this part of town. She opens the closet to her right, not expecting to find anything, really, but just to look. The taller woman puts her hand on the small of her back and pushes her into the hall, then left into the living room. It’s big and open and the light fixture isn't too nice, but she can replace that if she wants to. There’s a gorgeous fireplace and a big window and built-in bookshelves.

“Lisa,” she says, shaking her head.

“The kitchen is great,” Lisa tells her, smiling, and then starts walking past her.

“You can’t cook to save your own life,” she laughs and remembers how Lisa used to burn even instant ramen during their trainee days, and Lisa just shrugs her shoulders. Lisa’s right, though. The place is beyond perfect, with grey marble countertops that somehow look gorgeous against the chestnut wooden cabinets and with these stainless steel appliances. “Upstairs?”

Lisa swallows like she’s nervous or something, nods her head.

They’re in the master bedroom, and she opens the doors to the terrace which overlooks her little back yard, and Jennie laughs when some of the snow rain blows inside and Lisa murmurs, “Oh, crap,” and closes the doors again.

“This place is amazing.”

“It’s too big,” Lisa says, but it’s not an argument, really, but just a statement. “For just me, I mean. But…” She shrugs, hand tucked into her pocket. “Screw it, you know?”

Jennie giggles and throws her arms around her.

She notices the way Lisa breathes her in once she’s in her arms.

It’s not lost on her that they’re standing in the exact spot a bed might go.

“If you’re not careful, people will start thinking you’re a grown up, Lisa-ssi,” she teases.

Lisa keeps her pulled tight against her, whispers, “Shh. Don’t tell.”

She promises, “I won’t,” and her heart beats away in her chest.

 

* * *

 

Lisa asks her to help her move, which is just the most ridiculous thing she can possibly think of. She told her to just hire someone, and Lisa said she did, but that she also doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing, and she’s the only person she knows who’s moved recently. That one stings, a little. She knows Lisa doesn’t mean anything by it.

She shows up at Lisa’s current place in her sweats and a Yonsei University crewneck she doesn’t even actually know where she got, hair pulled up messily and Adidas on her feet.

They lug boxes and she helps Lisa pack the last of her things as the movers lift the furniture into the truck and take care of all the actual work she’d never do in a million years.

(That’s not true. She did it once, with Taehyung, when they moved into their own place. He said it was important that they do it together. They ended up bickering over how slowly he was moving, and then he broke her favorite coffee mug by accident, and then they ate pizza and talked it out and ended up sleeping together on the floor of their new living room amongst boxes of their things.)

She pours herself a glass of water in Lisa’s new kitchen. Well, she fills up an empty Starbucks cup from a couple hours ago when they first arrived and she’d needed a caffeine boost to get through the rest of this day.

“What’re you thinking about?” Lisa asks her, brow furrowed. She reaches for the cup in Jennie’s hand, so Jennie lets her take it.

“Taehyung, actually.” Lisa presses her lips together. “You know the mug I had from that place where you paint your own stuff?”

“The penguin one you basically threw paint at until you were satisfied?” she teases, elbowing her gently. “Yeah. You’ve had that since our pre-debut days.”

Jennie shakes her head. “It got broken when we moved.”

For some reason she doesn’t want to throw Taehyung under the bus and say he broke it. It wasn’t deliberate, or anything. They didn’t have the kind of breakup where she wants people to think he was a complete jerk. Tae was great to her, until he wasn't.

“Feeling sentimental?” Lisa asks gently, and Jennie knows she’s not asking about the mug.

She doesn’t want to make this monumental day for Lisa about her.

“Does your mom still have that picture frame you painted?” she asks, and Lisa just laughs and laughs.

She took the photo Lisa put in it when she gave it to her mom. She remembers them in a park with her first ever film camera and her trying to get the exposure right and for Lisa to stop being silly every time she said she was ready. She eventually caught one where Lisa’s hand was in her pocket and she was smiling at something she’d said. A candid shot. Lisa said her hair looked messy and didn’t think her mom would like that her shirt was all wrinkled and crooked, but Jennie thinks it must have been fine, because that photo was never swapped out for a different one.

 

* * *

 

Lisa rehearses and teaches choreography at YG’s dance academy every weekend and she invites her for drinks with the team after, when she mentioned she was at a dinner meeting and Lisa said that she was just a few blocks away. They’re all in loose clothes and she’s in a suit with a Chanel necklace on; she’s overdressed but she doesn’t really mind.

Lisa puts her arm around her chair at this bar, leaves it there pretty much the whole time, and leans over to speak into her ear, asking, “Wanna go?” when their glasses are empty.

They say goodbye to Lisa’s friends and then when they’re on the sidewalk, Lisa hitches her gym bag up onto her shoulder and Jennie just looks at her.

“What?”

“Nothing. I just thought you were more subtle than acting that possessive so none of your friends would hit on me.”

Lisa’s eyes go wide and then she smiles a bit as they walk. “That was for  _your_  benefit. Trust me, you don’t want any of those idiots to hit on you.”

“Oh really? Who do you think I want to hit on me?” she asks, almost giggling.

Lisa doesn’t answer. She steps in behind her as they let another couple pass on the sidewalk.

They open a couple beers at Lisa’s place, then she gets sleepy and Lisa won’t let her go home alone, even in a towncar.

She practically tucks her into bed in one of her spare rooms, sits next to her on the bed and pushes the hair off her face.

“Sleep well,” Lisa tells her, and she misses her the second the door is closed behind her.

 

* * *

 

Jennie doesn’t remember ordering anything, but the doorman has a package for her, and she can’t even wait until she’s inside her place before picking at the tape and pulling it off the box.

Inside there’s a plain white penguin mug and a set of paints of every color under the sun.

There’s no note. She doesn’t need one. She knows who it’s from.

She smiles and puts her hand on her heart and really, _really_  tries to figure out if there’s something wrong with her, because she couldn’t make it work with Lisa and this girl is _perfect_ for her, so maybe she’ll just never be able to make it work with anyone.

 

* * *

 

Jennie needs a dress for a gala for this charity she invests a lot of her time in, a small non-profit that works to give young people from poor communities access to scholarship programs, free tutoring, and resources that might otherwise be hard to find or afford.

She honestly loves being able to actually do something with what she has, with her influence. She’s been helpful to this foundation, and helped secure millions of won in funding. She’s also helped plan this thing, and it’s the biggest one they’ve ever done. Jisoo helped them with the venue and the catering, and Chaeyoung even offered to sing at the event to raise more money from their fans.

She’s looking for something that looks nice but isn’t over the top expensive, because she thinks that’d be a little tacky for a fundraiser for this organization. She doesn’t doubt that people will show up in gowns worth millions, but she’s in the position she is and she doesn’t want to act like she doesn’t know the financial barriers these kids face.

Lisa’s sitting here in an intricate white lace top and a long high-waisted maroon skirt, simple black heels on her feet, and a coffee in her hands.

She didn’t even ask her to come. She just said she had to do this today and Lisa said she’d meet her.

She pulls on a floor length sequin gown and steps out, and Lisa just goes, “That’s a lot,” and she steps back into the dressing room and carefully steps out of it. She thinks she looked great — and recognizes Lisa didn’t say she didn’t. It was a little flashy, she supposes.

Then there’s the yellow one with a plunging back that Lisa says she loves, but looks ‘too summery’. There’s a mauve high-low that she hates, and a halter the stylist gives her that she doesn’t even put on because she knows it’ll be an awful neckline for her.

“Hey,” Lisa calls through the door as she’s zipping a dark green Grecian style that’s nice, but a bit boring. “What about…” She opens the door and Lisa’s right there, looks her up and down and smiles. “That’s pretty.” She shrugs one shoulder and looks in the mirror again. “I found this.”

She’s holding up a plain black floor length gown with little sleeves and a plunging neckline. It doesn’t look like anything she’d normally choose, but maybe that’s a good thing.

“Does this fit my brand?” she teases, because Lisa literally just finished a 20-minute rant about one of her model colleagues who’s always talking about her ‘personal online branding’ or whatever.

“Just humor me,” Lisa tells her, then reaches for the zipper at the back of the dress she’s got on, pulls it downward. She watches Lisa's eyes in the mirror. She’s staring, a little, at her body. “I think it’s sexy.”

She turns her head to look at the taller woman. Lisa has made a habit of saying things like that, ever since they were bandmates.

She doesn’t mind, really, when Lisa does.

As she’s looking at herself in the mirror in the dress Lisa’s chosen, she’s trying to decide if she likes it because it looks so great on her, or because Lisa picked it.

She steps out of the dressing room and the other girl just stares at her, says, “Oh, shit,” under her breath and then laughs. She smiles at Lisa and looks in the multi-angle mirror nearby, turns and looks at her butt, and Lisa’s looking way to pleased with herself. “You look incredible.”

“It’s nice.”

“Nice? Look at you!” she gets up, moves to stand behind her, sets one hand on her hip and she takes a minute to just look at them together, Lisa all casual and her in this gown. “Seriously, it’s like, unfair to me and everyone else.” She doesn’t know what Lisa means by that. “How’s anyone supposed to pay attention to anything but you, Jennie?”

Lisa’s voice is soft, so only she can hear, and she’s trying not to feel too flattered by her words.

“Will you come with me?” she asks quietly, and Lisa just nods her head, pats her hip and says, “Thought you’d never ask.”

So there are a bunch of photos of her in this black dress and Lisa in a gorgeous blazer, her hand on her back. They’ve been bandmates then friends long enough that people are used to seeing them together without it being a big scandal or drama or speculation. The only one who says anything is Jisoo, and it’s a sarcastic remark about Jennie taking fashion advice from Lisa instead of her, and Jennie mostly ignores it.

She and Lisa walk home afterward, taking their time because they’re both in heels and ‘what’s the rush, anyway?’

“You did a really amazing thing tonight,” Lisa tells her, and she takes a moment to be happy that Lisa’s not talking about how she looks, or her jewelry, or anything else superficial. This is important to her and she loves her, a little, for knowing that. “You’re a really, really good person. I don’t think a lot of people give you enough credit for how genuinely kind you are.”

They stop walking and they’re standing right under a streetlight, both realize it at the same time and step away so they’re not a total cliche. Jennie feels the smile break on her lips, puts her hands on Lisa's shoulders and leans forward to kiss her cheek. “Thank you, Lisa-ya. That means a lot to me.”

Lisa walks her the rest of the way home, waits until she’s changed into pajamas and pulled her hair up. She unclasps her necklace for her, places it in the palm of her hand, and promises to text to let her know when she’s home.

Jennie’s lying in bed with her laptop open and a glass of sparkling water in her hand when she realizes that she didn’t want Lisa to go.

 

* * *

 

“As much as it pains me to admit it, you and Lisa looked great together last night,” Jisoo comments over brunch in her bed. It’s something of a tradition they’ve never really given up. Jennie loves it. Some of her best memories are her with Jisoo picking seasonal fruit out of a dish and talking big things. Anything. Silly things.

This doesn’t feel silly.

“Why does that pain you?” she asks, instead of trying to disagree, or something, because Jisoo’s right. Jennie’s seen the pictures. They did look great together.

(Everyone is saying so.)

(And they have _always_ looked great together. That was never in question.)

“Because I’m honestly exhausted from the _will they won’t they_. I’m trying not to become invested until you decide one way or the other.”

Jennie laughs a bit. “Jisoo-unnie.”

“I mean it.” Jisoo sounds serious. Jennie picks up a piece of plum. “If you two can really be just friends, then great. But you and I and half the world know that you and Lisa can never seem to just leave each other alone.”

“We don’t want to.”

Jisoo smiles sweetly, sips her water, and says, “Mhm,” like that’s exactly her point.

 

* * *

 

“We should go to Thailand,” she blurts out, and Lisa just smiles and looks over at her. They’re walking through the park on a Wednesday morning because she said she was going for a run and Jennie wanted to get a coffee and suggested they meet.

“Like before,” Lisa says, a little softer than she expected. Jennie remembers that vacation they took, just the two of them back in 2017, all too well, and she just…

The first time they kissed was on this beach near Lisa’s hometown. She was in a white off-shoulder top and denim shorts. Lisa was wearing this pretty orange sundress with purple flowers on it and she was teasing Lisa about her messy bangs, pushed her fingers through them and Lisa’s hand rested on her hip and they just leaned in to each other and kissed.

“Maybe we could take a trip there again,” she says, just to stop herself from thinking about that, and the _other_ things they did together for the rest of that trip.

She’s got so many memories that include Lisa; there’s no need to dwell on any specific one.

“Maybe.” Lisa sounds like her head’s a million miles away, so she bumps the taller girl’s hip with hers, which makes Lisa smile in her direction. “Sorry,” she chuckles, then steals Jennie’s cup from her hand and takes a sip. “I was distracted thinking about us and summer and the possibility of you in a bikini.”

“Shut up!” she laughs, shoving at her arm. Lisa just laughs along with her, then throws an arm around her shoulder. “You were not.”

“Was too.” Her voice is low, quiet, and Jennie wants to turn her head to look at her, but she’s on her hair. It’s fine. “If I had a won for every second I spent thinking about it in my lifetime...”

“You’re such a girl but a raging dude at the same time. Ugh.” Lisa's laughing, still, but she feels her cheeks heating up, too.

“You love me,” Lisa tells her in a cute voice in her ear, and she puts her arm around the younger girl’s waist, stops walking and leans over to kiss Lisa’s cheek quickly while she steals her coffee cup back and pulls away.

“Lord only knows _why_ ,” she teases, walking backwards.

Lisa follows, smiling.

Jennie knew she would.

 

* * *

 

Jennie shows up at Lisa’s place three Wednesdays later with takeout ramen from Aori.

She’s there just in time to see her kissing a tall lean man on the cheek before the guy gets in his car.

Lisa sees her as the car drives off, tilts her head like she’s at least remorseful, though she probably has no reason to be.

She turns on her heel and starts walking away. She shouldn’t feel this  _miserable_  over this. God, Lisa looks the way she does, and she’s well-off and successful and  _charming_ , and maybe most of what she’s feeling is  _stupid_  for not thinking that  _of course_  this is a thing Lisa does.

She just sort of figured that since Lisa spends so much time with her, she’s not spending a lot of it with other people.

“Jen!” she shouts, and Jennie keeps walking, because what conversation are they going to have? What is she supposed to say? That she’s jealous? “Hey! Jennie-ya,  _wait_.”

Lisa reaches for her arm, passes her and stands in front of her on the sidewalk. It’s cold out — hence, the ramen - and she’s not even wearing a jacket. Her nose is all red.

“Lisa, you don’t... I should have called. It was stupid of me not to call.”

“I’m not... That wasn’t…”

She laughs a little bit. “Come on,” she scoffs, trying her best to smile even as she shakes her head. “That wasn’t what it looked like?” Lisa just sighs. “It’s totally fine. I just... I brought lunch.”

“Jennie.” She holds the plastic bag out for her, and the younger woman takes it without thinking too hard. “Come on. Come with me inside.”

She shakes her head again. Her hands are cold, so she stuffs them in her jacket pockets and ducks her head so her scarf covers her chin a bit more.

“I need…” Lisa’s eyes soften, as if it’s strange for Jennie to tell her something honest. Which is completely ridiculous, because she’s literally the one person whom she tells almost everything to. “I need some space.”

Something dark is in Lisa’s eyes, then, and Jennie realizes that they’ve been here before, haven’t they? Lisa literally chasing after her and telling her to come with her and her telling Lisa that she couldn’t, _wouldn’t_? That this wasn’t what she needed?

( _I love you so much, so much that it hurts, but I can't have you, Lisa_. God, she just never does the right thing with Lisa, does she?)

This time, though, she  _does_  need Lisa, and it’s all a mess and she doesn’t want to admit that to her, especially not now, like, hours or possibly a matter of minutes after she’s clearly been with someone else.

“Space from  _what_?” Lisa asks, and Jennie thinks she should just know. She should know, shouldn’t she?

She feels her throat start to get tight, and she hates that, and she just says, “You,” and watches Lisa stand there saying nothing for a moment before she walks past her towards her own place.

 

* * *

 

She lasts a month, and the whole time she’s half expecting Lisa to just show up unannounced, use her key to let herself in, and tell her how unreasonable she’s being.

And she  _is_  being unreasonable. It didn’t take her any time at all to see that the reason she’s so bothered is that she doesn’t  _want_  Lisa to be seeing anyone else, sleeping with anyone else. The whole entire problem with them is they’re so terrible at telling each other how they feel, it always has to be some big thing when they do it. They can’t ever seem to get their shit together before one of them inevitably hurts the other. She actually doesn’t understand how two people can care for each other the way they obviously do — the way they obviously _always_ have — but are so terrified to just be honest with each other about this _one_ thing.

She doesn’t want to do that anymore.

So, the next Wednesday, she’s the one who shows up unannounced, and sits on Lisa’s front step to wait for her. She has a key to her place, too, and she could just let herself in, but after the last time she was here she wonders if maybe they need to redraw those boundaries at least temporarily.

She waits a half hour, sits on her hands encased in their mittens, pulls her scarf up over her nose, and knows she’s smiling too much when she sees Lisa walking down the street in this pretty striped blouse and ankle pants and a long brown overcoat.

Lisa steps onto her walkway, practically lights up when she sees Jennie. She sets her bag on the ground, sits down next to her so they’re pressed together.

“Hey you,” she says, and Jennie leans against her. She rests her head on her shoulder and Lisa puts her arm around her, and it feels so goddamn comfortable she wouldn’t want to move if she weren’t so cold.

“C’mon, Li,” she tells her, standing and reaching for her purse with one hand and Lisa’s hand with the other. “Get me a drink.”

Jennie watches as Lisa takes off her overcoat, drapes it over the banister of her staircase, then looks at her as she loosens the knot on her blouse. Jennie won’t lie and say she doesn’t find that sexy as hell.

“What?” Lisa laughs, because apparently she’s feeling clueless today. “Like wine?”

She nods her head, then follows Lisa to the bar cart in the living room. She slips her arms around the taller girl as she pours, presses her cheek against her back when she feels Lisa place one hand over hers.

“What’s this?” Lisa asks, a little more sincerely, like she’s just a little worried. She turns, then, and her hands are on Jennie’s hips. “You’re being pretty cuddly for someone who was mad at me.”

Jennie shakes her head quickly. “I wasn’t  _mad_.” Lisa just looks at her. “I was…” She pauses. It’s not like she hasn't been thinking about this. It’s all she’s been thinking about. “I was jealous,” she confesses quietly. Lisa lets out her breath. “And a little hurt.”

“Jennie,” she almost whispers. Lisa pulls her hands away, then, reaches for two glasses and hands her one. Jennie’s halfway tempted to drink the whole thing in one go. “You and I... we’re not…”

“I  _know_. But we’re  _something_ , aren’t we?”

Lisa smiles a bit, almost sadly, nods her head. She probably wasn’t expecting Jennie to admit it. “Always are.”

The Korean woman sits down on the sofa, tugs Lisa's wrist so she’ll sit down, too. They both take sips of their drinks, and she wonders if Lisa’s deliberately keeping quiet so she can figure out what she wants to say.

And this is sort of exactly _it_ , isn’t it? This is the thing that makes her think they’re _finally_ on the same page.

“And I asked for space, but I think what I really wanted was for you to stay with me.” Lisa sighs. “I know. I  _know_. That’s not fair. You’re always…” She blinks. Jennie turns her body more towards her, moves her arm so it’s along the back of the sofa, and traces her finger along a wrinkle on Lisa’s blouse. “You’ve always tried.”

“I know.”

“You shouldn’t have to chase after me.”

Lisa grins a little. “You never stand still. It’s chase after you, or not have you at all. That's how I lost you to Taehyung." She pauses. "You're all I _ever_ wanted and when I couldn't have you, I guess I just chose to leave and be with whoever wanted to have me.”

Jennie feels her chin tremble. That shouldn’t make her so fucking  _sad_ , because it’s the truth and nothing less. “Hey. Stop that.”

She collects her thoughts, sets her hand on the other girl’s shoulder.

“I don’t want you to be with anyone else,” she finally says, like a confession. That’s what it feels like. It feels big and scary and like she isn’t sure she should say it at all, because the consequences are huge.

“Well, who do you want me to be with?”

“ _Lisa_.”

“No,” she says, leans a bit closer. Jennie watches her eyes as she looks at her lips. Her heart races a little. “I’m really gonna need you to tell me.” She wants to ask  _why_ , and why what she’s said already isn’t enough. “Because we’re honestly too old to play this game anymore, and if you’re saying… I don’t wanna go back and forth.”

That makes  _so much_  sense, doesn’t it? This thing they used to do where they can’t figure it out and they push each other away and then gravitate back together, it just feels childish. Now Lisa owns a house and is this top model and she's this world-renowned idol who’s been married and divorced and they’re really running out of time to make a mess of things. She thinks they’re out of chances to try and fail and still be friends.

And she doesn’t want them to just be friends.

So she says, “I want you to be with _me_ ,” and makes sure she’s looking right at her so Lisa knows she really means it this time, knows she gets how big this is. She’s not just saying it because she’s jealous. She’s saying it because at this point, she can’t actually imagine _not_ being with her.

Lisa wets her lips, moves her hand up her arm so it’s on her neck, then pushes it into her hair. “If you don’t mean it… Jen.”

The only thing she can think to do to convince her that this is  _her_  and  _Lisa_ , and she knows who she is and what she wants, is to move one leg over her and straddle her lap. She’s still holding her drink in one hand as she looks at her, and Lisa just smiles like  _yes_ , this is them and this makes it all more real.

“I mean it. I don’t want you to chase after me or you to leave again. And I don’t want to go anywhere either. I want to be right _here_.”

Lisa raises an eyebrow, slides her hand down over Jennie's hip so her fingertips are splayed on her lower back. “Right here?”

Jennie sucks in a breath, which makes Lisa laugh, and then shoves gently at her shoulder.

“Are you gonna kiss me, or what?” she asks, and Lisa just smirks.

“I like this,” she tells Jennie, her voice soft. “You coming to me. Saying all that. Climbing onto my lap.” Jennie sinks her fingers into Lisa’s long dark blond hair. “ _That_.”

“I still know what you like,” Jennie says, partly with confidence and partly with reverence that even now, literally years after she last touched Lisa this way, she knows what makes her make that noise.

“Like  _you_.” Jennie almost whimpers, really, then drains her drink and sets the glass on the table next to them. She places both her hands on Lisa’s face, but right before she can kiss her (god, she wants to kiss her), the Thai asks, “Are we really doing this?”

She nods, but figures she needs the words. “Yes,” she whispers, brushes her lips against Lisa’s. Her hand moves down to the side of the taller woman’s neck. She can feel how quick her pulse is. “If you want to.”

“What are people going to say?” Lisa says, even as she sets both hands on Jennie’s thighs, moves closer so she can press her lips to her neck.

Jennie presses her hips down against Lisa, loves the way she moans against her skin. “Isn't it time we stopped caring what other people think?” Lisa tips her head up and kisses her full on the mouth, then, which makes Jennie move closer to her still and drape both arms over Lisa’s shoulders. “Should we wait?”

Lisa’s hand starts loosening the knot keeping her blouse closed the rest of the way, and she locks eyes with Jennie and shakes her head.

Jennie agrees.

 

* * *

 

She’s making french toast with fruit when Lisa walks into the kitchen, presses all up against her back, hands sliding over her stomach and then  _down_ , and her head falls to the side so Lisa can kiss her.

“There's coffee,” she manages, and then Lisa's hand is  _right there_ , and she breathes out, “ _Lisa_.”

“Since when did Jennie Kim make breakfast?” she asks, moving her hand back up, but staying just as close to her.

“I made you those pancakes in BlackPink House! And I’ve picked up a lot of things since the last time we woke up together.” She turns in her arms, and Lisa’s just in her bra and panties and a thin robe and just... Jennie bites her lip and Lisa smiles at her, lets out a cute laugh and shakes her head. It’s a little crazy that Lisa doesn’t realize at this point what she does to her, but then again, maybe Lisa’s been trying to ignore it until now. She’s been trying to hide it, too.

“We didn’t wake up together,” she tells her. “I woke up alone.”

“Aww,” Jennie teases, patting the younger woman’s stomach. She tries to push her away a bit, but Lisa pulls her against her, leans back against the counter. She thinks maybe they should talk about that, too. “Did you... were you afraid I didn't stay?”

Lisa shakes her head, looking at her lips. “I smelled food.” She laughs out loud and Lisa leans down to kiss her. “And I mean, I figured. It feels different this time.”

Jennie nods her head. She also loves the way she says her name. “I think so, too.” Lisa’s hands move up and down her sides. At first she thinks it’s just to comfort her, or something, but then her hands are on her bare skin and she realizes she was pushing up the fabric. “Focus, Lalisa,” she laughs. “Do you want to eat, or do you want to have sex in your kitchen?”

Lisa says, “Both,” cheekily, and Jennie recognizes the double entendre, presses her face against the other girl’s neck.

“ _Stop_.” Jennie laughs in her ear, kisses the juncture of her neck and shoulder, pushes her back a bit. “If this is different, it can’t _just_ be about sex.”

Lisa’s brow furrows for a moment, then she just shakes her head, reaches up to push Jennie’s hair off her shoulder. “It’s not,” she tells her, and it’s sincere, and Jennie waits for more because she needs more. “Ni, it’s  _not_. C’mon. It’s us. It’s never been just sex.”

And it’s strange, really, but she never really thought about it that way. Sex seems to be such a taboo thing in their past, this thing they used to do instead of talking out their problems. Instead of saying how they really felt. Maybe they use it to communicate, but she doesn’t want that to be the case anymore. She needs more than that. She likes that Lisa either realizes it or feels the same way.

Jennie places her hands on Lisa's face, kisses her gently, and murmurs, “Get the syrup,” against her lips.

 

* * *

 

“Lisa and I are together.”

Jisoo’s silent on the other end of the line, and Jennie says her name to get her attention.

“Are you, now?” Jisoo asks, then there’s another pause. “Jennie, are you... The two of you won’t survive another breakup.”

Jennie runs her hand through Lisa’s hair as the other girl rests her head on her lap and reads a book on photography on her sofa.

“I know.”

“You’re confident.” Jennie shrugs, though Jisoo can’t see her. “You two will either get married and literally die together, or everything will be a disaster. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Jennie breathes out, and Jisoo lets out a little sound. “What?”

“I just... Don’t tell anyone this. Not a soul.” Jennie laughs, but agrees. “I’ve been rooting for you two and it’s taken everything in me not to orchestrate it myself.”

“Why didn’t you?” she giggles.

“You’re inseparable. I figured it was only a matter of time.” Lisa must’ve heard that, because there’s a little smile playing on her lips. Jennie thinks she’s really just pretending to read at this point. “I think that’s how I’ve felt about you two for as long as I can remember.”

Jennie says, “Me, too,” in a whisper, and Lisa lowers her book, looks up at her and winks.

 

* * *

 

She’s running late to meet Lisa at Aori for Wednesday dinner, because she had a shoot uptown and thought she could get to the central business district with time to spare, and maybe she could have if Elle’s editor hadn’t wanted to spend half an hour looking over photos of some of Jennie’s most fashionable moments dating back to her pre-debut days. Jennie doesn’t mind, really, but this magazine wants to do this retrospective with a huge interview and she wasn’t going to do it in the first place. They thought she was playing hardball and offered her more money (which she was all going to give to her foundation anyway), so she worked that to her advantage and asked to guest edit a future issue, and…

Anyway, she’s 40 minutes late and she texted Lisa as soon as she knew she wasn’t going to make it on time. Lisa said it wasn’t a problem and that she’d be at the restaurant.

She sees Lisa before she sees her, and she’s just thinking how  _gorgeous_  her girlfriend is, sitting there in a simple blue dress and white kimono with a cup of green tea in her hand and her head tilted slightly so she can watch this movie on the tv the bartender has behind the bar.

“I’m so sorry,” she says, sliding her hand across Lisa’s shoulders.

She looks Jennie up and down, makes an appreciative humming sound and puts her hand on the older girl’s hip.

“Worth the wait.”

She tilts her head. Lisa kisses her cheek and tells her she’s blushing.

 

* * *

 

Lisa sort of wants to host Chuseok at her place for just herself, Jennie, Jisoo and her family, Chaeyoung with her boyfriend, and a bunch of other friends, but she hides her disappointment well when Jennie’s mother refuses to let anyone spend the day anywhere but at her house. So it’s all of them plus Jennie’s parents.

Dinner is busy and hectic and Lisa tries to keep Mingyu from being bored out of his mind, since he’s the only child in the room and Lisa’s pretty much always looking for a reason to do something more fun than just sit and talk with older people.

She’s also steering clear of Jennie’s dad, which Jennie thinks is hilarious, since they practically all grew up together.

“Would you stop?” she teases once Mingyu’s preoccupied talking to his dad. “He’s just my  _appa_. He used to sneak into YG to give us ice cream and let us stay up past midnight when you spent the holidays in our house. Why are you so nervous?”

“I’m nervous because we were teenagers then, and now I’m sleeping with you.” Jennie tilts her head and presses her lips together. “What?”

“I mean, you’ve been sleeping with me for a while. Years. A third our lives.”

Lisa just blinks as she thinks about that, then sort of halfway pouts, “Not for most of that time.”

She doesn’t sound mad or annoyed or anything, really, other than petulant.

“Lisa, none of our parents are in any position to lecture us on relationships,” she reminds her, and she just sighs.

“You’re right. It’s just that you’re just out of that thing with Taehyung, and... ” Jennie grins at her, sets her elbow on her shoulder as they watch the other people in the room all getting along and talking with one another. Lisa’s being really kind of adorable about this. “Has it really been a third our lives?”

“Yeah,” she says quietly. “Since the first time, anyway.”

“Longer than that, for the feelings. I've had a crush on you since I was 15.”

Jennie smiles and leans over to kiss her cheek. “You’re kind of sweet, you know?”

“I do know that,” she says with a grin, making Jennie laugh. “I’m still gonna avoid him for the rest of the day, if it’s all the same to you.”

Jennie rolls her eyes, walks straight over to her dad and interrupts as he talks to Chaeyoung, and loudly tells him about Lisa’s latest modelling success, sends Lisa over to talk about it.

Chaeyoung laughs and links her arm through Jennie’s, and Lisa just straightens up her posture and shoots her girlfriend a look as her dad walks over and takes a seat next to her.

Jennie blows her a kiss and lets Chaeng refill her champagne glass.

 

* * *

 

Lisa gets back at her, so to speak, by inviting her mother for dinner during the week she’s in Seoul when Jennie thought it’d just be the two of them.

It’s awkward, at first, until her mother mentions how much she loves Jennie’s new music, and then they’re off and talking about recordings and music video shoots and Jennie’s foundation, and how have Kai and Kuma been?

Lisa leans back in her chair looking a little too pleased with herself, but Jennie isn’t annoyed at her at all, because maybe she was being a little silly, too, being awkward around this woman who’s been nothing but supportive ever since they were trainees, who only really became distant after Lisa and her broke up all those years ago.

“Maybe she was upset with me for breaking your heart,” she says to Lisa in the car on the way back to her place.

“Maybe,” she says, like she doesn’t want to admit it.

“You’ve always been a mommy’s girl,” she says, and Lisa gives her a look like she’s not mad but doesn’t appreciate the comment, anyway. “It’s cute.”

“I  _know_ ,” she tells her, as if that’s part of the reason she was doing it. Jennie thinks Lisa’s at least halfway joking. “Wanna grab some coffee?”

“Maybe at my place.” Lisa’s brow goes up. “Don’t give me that face. I like being alone with you.”

“You know,” Lisa says, leaning over so her lips are close to Jennie’s. She makes her so crazy sometimes. “I knew that about you.”

“Lisa, baby,” she breathes out, and pulls back just a bit so Lisa can’t kiss her. The Thai girl seems disappointed, which is exactly what Jennie was going for. Her fingers wrap around the collar of Lisa's grey coat. “I wasn’t trying to hide it.”

 

* * *

 

Their first official outing as a couple — well, outing that people will care about — is the annual holiday party at SBS one Tuesday evening. There’s never a theme, but it’s black tie and extravagant and ₩9,000,000 per plate with proceeds going to charity.

Last year, she wore an all white Alexander McQueen, and left early because Taehyung wanted to.

This year, she gets ready at Lisa’s while the blond woman sits on her bed in her Michael Kors ensemble, red dress unzipped and coat at the end of the bed. The necklace she was going to wear was still in her hand. Jennie steps out of the bathroom to reach for her phone to see if her manager has texted her back. She’s got her makeup half done and she still hasn’t decided what to ask her stylist to do with her hair. Her dress is hanging in a garment bag in Lisa’s closet and she’s surprised Lisa hasn’t taken a peek at it.

“Why would I?” Lisa asks when she mentions it. She’s got her phone in her hand, but she looks up at Jennie. She’s wearing this short robe she bought to leave here after spending the night a few times and deciding Lisa’s shirts weren’t warm enough to walk around in. “You’re gonna look gorgeous in whatever you put on. Hell, wear that. It’d be a trend by New Year’s.”

Jennie rolls her eyes and steps back into the bathroom.

The pictures that end up on the blogs are of her with her hand on Lisa’s shoulder, the taller woman leaning over to say something in her ear. It looks super intimate and lovely and perfectly sweet and she isn’t even sure what she was saying to her. It doesn’t matter.

Lisa brings her tea in bed come Wednesday morning, says something about a picnic in the park, a movie after, and dinner in this new Japanese restaurant if she's up for it. She wonders if Lisa even realizes there are photos and that they’re the talk of the town. If she does, she doesn’t care, but Jennie wouldn’t honestly be surprised if Lisa just wasn’t paying attention to it at all, was just a little clueless.

“Let’s stay in,” she murmurs, looking at Lisa through her lashes and then blowing the steam off her tea.

Lisa quirks a brow. “But we’ll be bored,” she teases, and it’s stupid and silly and Jennie doesn’t want to find it cute, but she  _does_.

Jennie shrugs a shoulder, pulls the duvet up a bit more. “So let’s be bored.” Lisa takes this quick little breath, then smiles and shakes her head. “What?”

“Nothing.” Jennie stares at her. “Just... you look so beautiful. You're like this perfect photograph.”

“Okay,” she chuckles, sliding down in the bed a bit more.

“Seriously.” Lisa moves her hand over her hip so it’s resting on the bed and she’s leaning across Jennie. “I lo-…” Jennie feels warmth spread through her chest and then Lisa smiles adorably and looks down.

“You what?”

Lisa leans in to kiss her quickly. “‘S’a secret,” she tells her, then stands and pulls her shirt up over her head.

Jennie sets her mug on the bedside table, throws back the duvet. She steps towards Lisa and puts her arms around her waist from behind.

“What kind of secret?” she asks, and Lisa just chuckles and shakes her head. “A good secret? Will I like it?”

“Babe.” It sounds like a warning, like she’s embarrassing her, or something.

Really, she just thinks they’ve always been terrible about just  _saying the words_ , and she thinks Lisa probably feels like it’s too early, or that she won’t say them back, or that she might not feel exactly the same way. And maybe this game is really childish, but she loves it. It feels like _them_. She thinks of all the ways they’ve ever said the words without really saying them, and she sort of likes that.

She moves her hands up to the sides of Lisa's chest and Lisa sets her hands over Jennie’s.

“Must be a pretty big secret if you won’t even tell  _me_.”

Lisa turns, then, pushes Jennie’s hair off her face with both hands and then strokes her thumb along the Korean woman’s jaw. “You’re the only one I want to tell.”

“Baby,” Jennie says gently, looking at Lisa’s lips.

“Don’t do that,” Lisa laughs. “This is coercion! I won’t be  _plied_.”

“Mhm,” Jennie says, then kisses her slowly, pulls a moan from the younger woman and waits until Lisa moves her hands down over her body before she steps away. “Okay, Lili.”

She pulls her shirt off, too, places it in Lisa’s hands as she sighs like Jennie really is torturing her.

She stops in the doorway to the bathroom, throws Lisa a look over her shoulder. “You coming?”

“ _Jennie-ya_.”

“Don’t worry,” she tells her as Lisa walks towards her. Her heart races a little. God, she loves that look Lisa has that tells her she just  _wants her_. “You can keep your secret if you want to.”

“Really?” Lisa asks, hooking her arm around her waist as she reaches over to turn the shower on.

Then she weaves her fingers between Jennie’s, brings her hand up to the other girl’s lips and presses a kiss to the pad of her thumb, and she gets this rush of affection for Lisa that has her smiling.

“I know all your tells anyway.”

Lisa laughs, nods, conceding, and presses a gentle kiss to Jennie’s lips. They have the rest of their lives to say the three words anyway. There's no need to rush. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> title is adapted from ['she burns'](https://open.spotify.com/track/70rOXPlQGVjEkboInw5EBk?si=L8hKJ4EuRBS2rGB19W-h0Q) by foy vance
> 
> whew, that was a long one, wasn't it? i promise that the next fics won't be as long. i really wanted to just dive back into this slow burn relationship between jennie and lisa, and shed a bit more light on what happened in lthoac. i admit that the writing is a bit messy and incomplete, since i'm not used to writing sequels, especially for angst, but i hope you guys liked it anyway. tell me what your favorite part of the fic was :) thanks so much as always
> 
> p.s. that third scene on the balcony is inspired by this [photo set](https://twitter.com/jenlisapics/status/1048562445298683904) :)
> 
> p.p.s. if you want some chill conversations outside ao3, i'm at twitter [@baeminhyuk](https://twitter.com/baeminhyuk)!


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